someone you have been searching for a long time

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

false alarm!haiiss!!
im sorry esther.if ur heart ever sink,dui bu qi!
i dun wan u to ever feel sad for me.
i will feel hurt.haiiss.dun ever feel sad for me.
i miss esther.i miss her plenty.
it seems like...everything is changin.haiiss..

what exactly happen to me todae?
oh i saw priscilla todae.ting wen oso.
i meet janelle n we go fetch dem.
den on the wae to tampines mart,
i receive a weird call..
so i ans .its xiner..
but all she wan is janelle or priscilla..
nvmx..

esther ye,u gotta be strong.i noe u can.
i wan esther to be back once again.
i care alot for u.
xiner dun need me anymore.
i noe she dun.so dun ask me to go to her.
we are over so long ago.haiiss.
all i care abt now..haiiss.
ermx..pls take care of urself..

esther ye,i miss you!

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
7:31 AM

*************** Tuesday, May 30, 2006

cuz all i wan is u!

dun sae you love me anymore.

im afraid i wil fall for u more..

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
7:08 AM

yesterdae was a disaster dae for me.
oh well, thanks to esther ye for makin me sad.
around 11pm i went over to janelle house..
we smoke downstairs den jan sae she miss tingwen.
sae wanna sneak in school..so a cab came ,
we pulled charlotte into the cab..
den we just take to school..
charlotte waited outside.
me n janelle climb the gate up the primary sch..
den its oreadi 12midnight..jan sae she saw
a nun..im liike so scare.but for her tingwen sake,
we went in..we run..n get scared by adele n sandra..
we have no more escape to go.
cuz they lock up all the staircase..
den we have no choice bbut to jump down the building..
we were like at the cca foyer..den have to jump down to
basketball court.i was so scare..
i called esther..but i dunno wad is on my mind.
when i seat up dere,it was den tt i realise..
i come bcuz of sum1 sake.just to see her.
i saw her but veron catch me n den i have to run away.
i didnt manage to hug her etc..so yupp..
i sat there..to jump..is bcuz of *her sake.
i muz let go..thats why i just seat up dere..
n suddenly i just jump down.
gosh,im cryin out in pain now..
help me!haiiss..i tink my mummy bringin me go doc..
haiiss tmlx..pls bless me alright,..
esther cant even be bothered with me!
help!im in pain now.haiiss..
im smokin..i feel so sad..haiiss...

as i junp,im just thinkin

of saein goodbye to u.

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
4:23 AM

*************** Monday, May 29, 2006

now,i felt like crying..
my heart seems so heavy.
it seems like,no one is by my side.
it seems that my world is so empty now..
can i cry?no..i cant i guess.
my heart is realli veri veri pain.
its like aching..i dunno why.
gosh,anyone can help me?
my life is so empty ever seems u step in.
3mths 10 daes more.
i have to let u go...

wo men de xiao shi hou!!

i miss the past.haiis

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
5:35 AM

im trying to give up,but it breaks my heart!
i have to stab my own heart.in order for me to let you go.gosh,its tearing me apart rite now.haiisss...i mis u!

yesterdae i went to meet janelle n tingwen.
i ton at tingwen's house.den we r like so
click lohhs.hahas.ermx..we talk alot..
me n janelle so broke until we have no more cigarettes to smoke.
we keep savin cigarettes lahhs.
well,den tingwen n i keep talkin abt ghost story...
oh no its like so scary..
den we talk about xiner n pris..hahas..
got so many doubts n confusion abt dem lohh.
hahhass...haiiss den ive been askin tingwen what is goin on
in taiwan now.wonderin what is she doin dere.haiiss..
i onli have four more daes.im counting down..
i have band tmlx..i cant wait for tml.
sigh..todae seems to be like a long n awaiting dae for me.
i find that ..todae will be a long dae for me to go thru.
why like this lehhx?haiiss i dunno too..

to pig:pig,u sae i change.

u are the one who change more den i do.

haiiss i am alright.i dun need anyone,

but den u lehhx?i noe what u tinkin loh.

u tink im onli using u lahhs.haiiss its like so hurtin.

i nvr at all lohh..

haiiss wadever lahhs..i feel so sad..

haiiss..

counting down to:30daes to my birthdae.

would any one tell me now?

my heart is tearing up.

my world has fallen apart.,

my life is meaningless.

i felt like crying..

world seems so dark for me now.

life seems so empty too.gosh,

im tearing apart.

i felt like cuttin myself.

i muz let u go by thursdae.

i guess,im gonna hurt myself.

im order to let u go...

i dun need u to return back anymore.

712pm

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
3:18 AM

*************** Sunday, May 28, 2006

yesterdae in the mornin i woke up,went to meet janelle n priscilla.
we smoke n eat breakfast..than janelle cry.i almost cry too lahhs.
haiiss..den i went home...after tat i went to meet germaine.
cuz i wan to send xiner off.yupp..but went on the wae dere,
xiner text me sae she is goin off le.wha..i rush like fuck lahhs.
haiiss.den,i reach airport at 1329pm..i onlie have 1min.
i rush to the departure hall,i did not see anyone.
im so disappointed.but den i nvr show it out
in front of germaine.i keep on turnin back.but i nvr see anyone.so we
head towards to terminal one.xiner called me.den she sae she at terminal two.
so we waited for sky train to terminal two.den wen we get of the sky train,
she called and sae she is in terminal one.so we took the same train back to terminal one.

oh well.this is when my sadness started.现在的你不在想我..

i get off the skytrain n xiner appear dere.so she ask me wat i wanna sae..
den i oso got nothing to sae.den she sae goodbye to me.haiis..
den she walk away,germaine sort of sae me lahhs..
she sae ask me dun do things tt i will regret.den i sort of..
chase after her but..den hor..she like keep wantin to go..
so yupp..ermx..i saw her parents.den me n germ was like...
ermx..haas...den we just walk away..
den i sae her again at burger king..den germ reali wan kill me
le lohhx..keep askin me to go n give her the lollipop.
so i went up to her.den i just pass her the lollipop.and den turn away..
my tears is oreadi in my eyes.den we went to see the departure ting.
den we head towards the toilet.suay suay i saw xiner again lahhs.
ermx..den she was quenin up to go in.know what?i cant do anythin.
i cant even bid her goodbye for one last time.i hide behind the wall.
i kept on cryin.germ was like askin me not to cry.
n she sae so many people are starin at me..she sae summore i cry so loud.
got mehhx?haiiss.

den after tat..we take sky train back to terminal two.
i was like stil cryin like fuck lohhs.haiiss..den i was messagin...
germ was like sayin tt looks like esther ye..i keep starin at tt gal..
she look so familar but i dunno who.den her stead so tall keep starin at me.
i realise it was esther..me n germ run like hell lahs.
wherever we go,we tends to bump into esther.so yupp.
haiiss..den wen we we into the mrt dere,while waitin for mrt,
xiner n esther msg me at the same time lahhs.haiiss.
i mean is like.i feel so sad.haiis..

ermx den i wen to meet pris den wen down to bugis.
we played the arcade game.i miss xiner like hell.
den tingwen n janelle cum down to meet us.
den after tt we shop like mad.wherever i go owax have memories.
haiiss.i feel so sad suddenly.den tingwen n jan bought me a wallet.
which cost 13 bucks so sweet of them lahhs.
so touch...we went down to tingwens house after tt..
janelle ask me to go for priscilla.hahas
i have sum things on my mind..but im not tellin anyone.
wel,hahas..den i did a veri bad thing with janelle!
something veri veri veri bad!oh no.im guilty conscience.
but den,..yupp..den janelle went missing.worse stil.
is like so late le..veri worried for her lahhs..
den we thot is dunno who seatin at the playground.
i hold on to pris lahhs..den we three run away from tt gal.
but actually is janelle lo!oh no..den after pris's dad send me home.

im goin to prove to u.

that im oreadi over you.

i wont be the gal,

who use to love u.,

who use to be so obsess over u.

i wont be lovin u anymore.

i wont be dere for u anymore.

im lettin u go.

i have to bid goodbye.

its veri veri hard.

but i wil try..

if the onli wae to let u go,

is to stab my heart,

i wil do it.

i will try umpteen waes to give up.

it breaks my heart.

when u turn n walk away frm me.

all i can do is to cry.

i cant ask u to stay.

cuz u dun belong to me.

u dun belong to me anymore.

i can onli sae goodbye to u.

when u return,

u will see that..

i had enough.

i might change.

but i guess,its the onli wae to

let you go.

im sorry.

i just dun love u anymore.

esther ye,im letting you go!

i just dun love u anymore.

im not the rite one.

im not perfect.

i cause misery in ur life.

sorry..

but im goin now.

636pm.

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
12:36 AM

*************** Friday, May 26, 2006

janelle cried just now.
im sorry.hahas.
dun mean to sae those things.
that upset you.
i dunno what has got into me.
i am feelin...alot of jealously
in me.help me.its causin alot
of hurts in me.i dun wish to noe anythin.
haiiss..it breaks my heart.
im feelin veri veri sad.haiiss

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
8:59 PM

i did veri veri badly for my report book.
i cried lahhss.
esther sae i deserve it.
i tink she is rite.
what could i get out of it?
i reali have alot of tears more to cry.
haiiss..im veri sad.
i reali flunk my paper.
so what if i did my exam veri good?
in the end i stil failer overall.
im veri sad.
mummy ask me not to cry..
but,its reali a big disappointment.
i tink whatever esther sae is rite.
i guess im just too...stupid..
i cant study..
*tears roll down*.
haiiss..would anyone mind comfortin me?
pass few daes hasnt been a good dae for me.
i cry myself to sleep everynite.
what is goin wrong in my life?

i cant afford to fail!

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
3:31 AM

*************** Thursday, May 25, 2006

SHOUT OUT:

my birthdae approachin in 1 month 2 daes time!

my wishlist:

-*her to celebrate with me.

-*her to give me a surprise

-*her to give me a hug.

-*her to go beach with me

-*her to make me happi ..

hope:

-to be happi.

-to go beach.

-to have surprise.

-to have ang bao.

-my daddy can spent it with me.

-my sister wont nag me anymore.

-i will give up.

-i dun wan to shift house!

-i dun wan u to go!

waiting:

-for yew to return back to me.

-for yew to noe how i feel.

-for yew to understand me.

-for yew to owax be by my side.

-for yew to never leave me.

-for yew to owax cheer me up when im down.

missing:

-the past memories we have.

-the past funs we had together.

-the old you.

-the love we once shared.

-080805

-210206

as the daes pass by,

my heartbeat faster every single dae.

i dare not accept the fact

that my birthdae is approaching.

i dare not wan to ever tink of that dae.

i noe this yr bdae would be,

another same birthdae.

where my parents dun celebrate with me.

n none of my frens remember it exactly,

what will happen this yr?

during my birthdae?

im afraid! =x

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
10:22 AM

todae i came home after school.
den i went back school for sac idol.
i went in to 2/3 classroom n smoke.
sac idol start le.at least xiner didnt
break promise.she did go with me.
i text esther,saein tt i miss her.
how i wish she is by my side by den.
i hope i can join the sac idol.
but jazmin disacouraged me so yupp.
haiiss,anywae,SARAH FOO is a hot babe.
she simply rox.see le i wan to have nose bleed le.
esther also not so hot.hahas...
die lahhs think is mix too much with prin n xiner
dey all le.dey are veri horny people.
but true enough,she is reali so hot!
i am like fainting lahhs..
haiiss,got the singapore band cum our sch.
e guy so hot!i wan faint arrx.
pris sittin next to me..i keep wantin to faint.
hahas cuz hot gals n guys arrx!
den,xiner and sherilyn play like so fun.
happi for dem=]..
after break time,me n pris n tingwen n kat wanted to
explore the whole school.but tingwen is veri sick.
high fever..gosh.den we go back hall lohhs.
haiis saw xiner n sherilyn cum in together.
i tink im abit jealous bahhs.i oso dunno lehhx.
den suddenly she n her end up seatin together.
i veri sad..i reali am..so i just get up n went out of hall,
myself..saw kat n xiner chasing after me.
why chase for what?
gosh den xiner go back first den kat oso.
i squat at one corner..i cry..
minutes later sherilyn n xiner cum out.
alamak!so i stood up n walk away..
den i go back hall.i TINK i saw xiner holdin
sherilyn's hand.not those holdin.
just normal type de lohhs.
yupp.. i veri sad.
i felt lyk havin esther by my side at tt time
to comfort me lohhs.
haiiss..den,pris make me laugh so much lahhs.
she veri nice yupps.
how i wish i can just run towards u
n give u one last hug.
after sac idol..
me,jan,germ,pri,n char,we went n2.
we smoke n chat together dere.
den in the end..janelle tear one tear.
yupp im sorry to make u cry..
but is e fact oso mahhs.ermx..
hmmm den we go tamp mart the mac n eat.
we talk about last time lahh...so funny lohhx.
haiiss i miss the past time can..
den yupp..germ cab me home.
thanks mummy,so sweet of u.

i have so much tears in me,

that i have not yet cry out.

i have not yet show it all.

im too sensitive.

how i wish i can just tel u,

i stil love u.

i stil wanna run towards u n hug u.

i stil wanna tel u how much i mish u=[

my tears cant let u noe

how much i misses u.

cuz the one u wan it not me.

1.12am

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
9:43 AM

todae is a veri hectic dae.haiiss,
i cry in class..tears just roll down.
my stomach hurts alot todae.
so painful.
its e last dae of school todae.
haiiss after school,i saw esther..
she came to me n hug me.
n ask me to miss her.
i felt like cryin lohhs.
hais..i hold tianqin's hand all the wae to the next busstop.
den,esther ye walk away.
i cry like fuck!
i veri sad lohhs.haiiss
ermx..so many people saw me cry.
i cant control.
sighc=x..

i wont show u my sadness!

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
12:49 AM

*************** Wednesday, May 24, 2006

todae is a bad dae for me.
thanks alot esther,for givin me tt cute wu gui.
i will love n cherish the xiao wu gui wholeheartedly.

band is exciting todae..

i enjoy it..yupps..

for thw whole of june holidaes,

im pack with band practices!help!

guess what?me n wendy break frenship todae..

im sad..veri veri sad!i wan to cry..yupps..im cryin..

but,dere's no one who comfort me..

no one to lend me their shoulders.

no one to lend me their listenin ears.

i have no more kuku.no more le.

it ended todae.

i didnt noe her frenship would mean so much to me.

im afraid to go sch tml.afraid to cry..

i hate this feelin.

of havin to lose sumone who is close to me.

will anyone understands my sadness?

will anyone noes how i feel?

can anyone help me?

im cryin n cryin nonstop.

no one seems to care,hais!

*_____,why isit tt when i need u most,

u are not by my side?

another reason,i cry for u.

haiiss...u dun seems to care..

no one bothers about me.

i triedkeepin everythin to myself.

i did..till todae,

its when i start to break down once more.

i had enough!

thinkin of what would happen in 5months time,

to let go?or hold on?

i did a powerpoint yesterdae for*____,

i cried..

the whole night.

why am i being so weak?

i promise so many ppl.

i muz be strong..

i just realise i smoke 17 sticks at one go,

that night.haiiss..i broke ur promises.

all ur promises.haiiss...

DUN SAE U CARE,

IF U CANT EVEN BE BOTHERED WITH ME!

memories of u n me;

gone forever=[

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
6:12 AM

*************** Tuesday, May 23, 2006

i miss the past=]

i knew it was love
the moment i saw u.
my hearet pounded so fast.
i just couldnt breathe.
i wanted to go n hug u.
to tel u how much i misses u.
but when i turn around.
i saw sumone else by ur side.
tt was when i noe,
u n i were nvr meant to be together,
anymore=[

i saw esther todae in tm.

suay lahhs .

cux she is with her stead mahhs.

i dunno if i shld trust my feelings.

oh well,

shld i?i dunno too.

now is late at nite.

im still surfin net,.hahas

bored.

its gonna be the past.

i have to put it down.

1259am

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
9:48 AM

*************** Friday, May 19, 2006

i guess,
im endin it all rite now.
i cant stand those pain.
u said to love me wholeheartedly.
but u lied to me.
ure over.
im...over too.
i felt lyk endin my life.
i didnt noe that love culd actuall hurt so much.
i didnt noe that im breakin into pieces.
there is no such things as forever love.
yet onli everlastin hurts.
dun go,
i wil go instead.
i wil leave ur wurl.
i will leave u.
n everyone.
let me go instead.
ive been a burdens in many ppls life.
im sorry.
im not a perfect gal.
thats why im choosin to live.
dun ever cry.
cuz i wan the best for u.

i had enough.

i wont die.but i wil let myself suffer.

i wil kill my heart.

instead of myself.

i wil leave everyone.

joanna wont be the same anymore

all is endin_

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
9:25 PM

now is 244am,im veri bored.
i smoke quite alot todae.im sad.what to do?
haiiss i smoke the strawberry flavour de,quite nice ba.hahas..yupp.
im just bein abit too sad todae.
esther cried.she apologize.she sae she misses me.
haiiss...i mss the past.
but i feel rather bad cuz i dun seems to care for her.
haiiss i also dunno what happen lehhx.
sian.she should have told me her sadness laahhrs!
worried.im veri fuckin worried sia.but what to do?sian,
well,she keep on keepin things to herself.
i should have not enter her life.
so i wouldnt feel that sad lahhs.
hopefully this wont hurt any of us for a long time.
i prayed.
im realli feelin down lahhs..
haiis..im sorri to cause sadness into ur life.
i dun wan u to go,
i dun wan u to leave.
i will cry.
i wil feel veri sad.
haiiss.,

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
11:44 AM

im sori.dun mean to make anyone upset.plss dun ever cry for me.
no one can cry for me.cuz its not worth it.its pointless.
im just not perfect.wo bu xiang zai hurt of u.dun hide any problems from us.
im worried.veri worried.
i miss the past.

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
7:56 AM

i score well for my english!! =) i'm top 5 in class.. i pass my accounts too! very happy! even chi oso! yeah.. i'm grateful for somethin.. well.. though i fail math n ss.. i nv expect myself to onli fail by 2, 3 mark.. i nv did attend any lesson of it.. yup.. i cired today.. sorry esther.. i broke ur promise.. kat noe how upset i was.. yup... so many thin abt her! i am to speechless to say.. yup.. after sch.. i miss seein the foto shots of bball!! wasted! but i saw co de.. xiner so cute la.. cant stand it.. haha.. well after tat went tm wif kat.. suddenly i juz fall ill.. i fall to the floor.. shiverin non shop its too painful.. more than a heart ache or stomach pain.. i cant stand up.. my leg's juz too weak.. it took mi sometime to stand up n walk to the toilet.. gosh.. i couldn breath la.. kat saw le so afraid.. den saw xiaoj.. i went home.. receive a call from xiner she ____(shall not make her lose face), my heart sank at tat moment when i tot, its my fault.. very sorry gal.. i am not dyin.. nth to do with ouja board.. cheer up.. i dun mean to make u ____ alrite?? *huggs*... its juz tat my health is gettin weaker.. i need to see doc.. i'm sick for one week le.. hai.. i've been vomitin everyday.. i dunno y.. i juz felt like vomintin.. hai.. its a daily routine le.. yup.. anyway.. smile my gal... huggs*

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
2:14 AM

*************** Thursday, May 18, 2006

just a short entry for now.
well,just now i cried because of *___..
haiiss...wo zhen de hao xiang ta.
i pass my paper!!
actuali,kinda surprise that i can try to do this well.
i need onli 2 marks to pass hahas.
guess what,
i dun even study lahh...so,is quite well.
im top5in class!for english,
thanks to the sweet lollipop=]

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
3:38 PM

yesterday night chatted with esther until 1plus.. wha.. i'm so tired.. she is so sweet on the phone.. went to sch pass esther 3packet of hello panda, coz she say she's hungry.. i promise to give her.. played throughout today.. hai.. i pon math lesson.. sat at the canteen there... *ahem pass by, she keep starin den walk away.. wo de xin shui le la... i really very sad.. i sat there, i suddenly say i miss ____..... yup... den in class, i keep sayin i miss ____... esther's recess, i sat with her.. she was like, 'ehhx, ___ is there' i was like.. ya.. very cute... haha... i keep sayin i miss ___... how i wish i can tel her tat... hai... oh ya.. tat yong yong lesson, kat ask mi pei her go down pass letter.. i saw ___ la.. hai... den she look at mi, i turn away.. i rather turn first.. b4 seein her turn away.. i really very sad la.. oh ya! i'm the onli one in class who needs to do tat survey.. heard tat *ahem oso doin... suay.. gosh... i got band, SHOUT OUT.. I LOVE BAND!! I'M GONNA PUT MY HEART ALL IN BAND!! yup.. den come home.. i cired for esther.. i read her tat msg.. hai.. sad.. wrote her letter.. i promise her i cant cry for ___ or anyone else.. except esther herself.. i think of ___, i rub my eye... how to tel ___, i wan to be her fren? i wan to let ___ noe.. tat i really miss her! i really do.. hai.. shawn like jaz.. sad.. sweetie's sad.. kuku oso.. think pig oso.. nvm.. watever i noe shall be kept in my heart....

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
3:27 AM

*************** Tuesday, May 16, 2006

i was upset yesterday nite.. supposedly, i slept at 10plus.. but i woke up around 3plus.. i saw two msg from her.. tellin mi tat she's attached.. i close my eyes my tears juz flow down.. there's nth i can do.. i cired to slp.. i woke up, read her msg and reply her.. kat came over to my house... we drank alcohol, chat... and den i went to meet sweetie n huiqing, mi n sweetie took the same train.. surprisedly.. haha.. we chat and laugh.. we went to c the sanrio stuff sweetie wanted to buy.. den took noeprint.. it wasnt tat nice.. we went over to plaze sing.. haha.. we ate burger king.. den take neo.. the neo print look so nice.. we were laughin all the way.. den she text mi.. she told mi, tat she cired guess its for mi.. she ask mi to promise her somethin.. i cant.. i'm sorry.. how i wish i could hug her at tat point and break down.. we brought ticket to watch.. when a strangers call.. we bluff huiqing, we watchin the wild both mi n maryann kept layghin.. when she now the truth tat... she's nervouse.. haha... b4 going in cinema.. we went yamaha.. maryann played canon for mi.. i was like oh my.. i love yamaha.. haha.. especially those piano there.. my dream is to learn piano.. she played and i record it.. den went in cinema.. someone shouted my name.. it was kuku.. haha.. so surprise.. we sat behide them.. i sat next to maryann.. at the side.. den, esther wrote mi testi.. i cired.. i read it.. i feel so regretted.. hai... perhaps i did regret somethin.. but durin the show i was so scare the some effect.. i wanted to take somethin from my bag, someone tab mi.. oh my shoulder!! i so scare la! later i realise, it was maryann who did it.. haha... we hook our hand to each other.. like so scare la.. i scream more lo... den she so cute, were laughin her way there.. haha... cant stand it.. she's cute! after show run down the exit way.. to the toilet.. haha... den.. we went to suntec to shop.. shop for ice cream to eat.. huiqing ask the lady wat is in the tiramishu ice cream.. she say coffee and alcohol.. huiqing got so work out and ask.. wil my fren get drunk?? mi n sweetie laught non stop.. haha.. she's such a joker.. very funny la!! while walkin back.. esther call mi she told mi alot of thin.. which could actually make mi get obsess over her.. haha.. too many thin perhaps.. chatted with her 11min bill explode ar.. haha.. den mi,hq n maryann make a deal.. tat we still have 3more outin to go.. haha.. den went tm meet tianling, tianqin, lydia and another ger... mi and tianling smoke.. den ya lo.. hmmm... lydia cried.. haha.. long story... esther tokin to mi now.. she say tianling still like mi.. hai.. dunno la...

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11:36 PM

i slept at 2plus yesterday.. i'm too EXHAUSTED today.. i am worried yesterday nite.. i told BEDTIME stroy to both shirley n maryann.. yup... its a touchin story.. i went sch today, dun wish to see somebody.. i went canteen, ESTHER was there.. she kept on hidin her face.. haha.. so cute.. coz she did facial.. at festival court, she n mi play peek a boo ar.. haha.. she keep coverin her face.. went class, was like screamin abt.. den, i realise my throat was hurtin.. i scream through one period coz no teacher.. den stop.. haha.. had foto takin.. i hope i did manage to SMILE nicely.. didnt noe i'm so gu niang la .. haha.. stood at the last row.. yeah.. den recess time, is a TURNAROUND for mi.. i saw *ahem, den she juz turn away n smile.. so cute la.. but i was feelin really sad.. i FORCE myself to eat finish tat bowl of food.. hai.. i omost cried la... den, sweetie so cute.. haha... around 110pm, i start feelin SICK.. stupid mrs yong, i wan slp cannot.. she wake mi up la.. i was so tired.. i loitered around wif kat, den.. wanted to sneeze, but i cant.. its really uncomfortable.. gosh, i think my new TARGET noe tat i LIKE her so paiseh!!! she's very cute.. i went to eat with ESTHER after sch.. they say tat she's JEALOUS, i have a new ah ma... she help mi cut my chicken chop... TIANQIN feed mi eat.. i'm really very sick... ESTHER OFFERED TO FEED MI.. but i dun wan.. haha.. butden she keep STARIN at mi.. den we BOTH laaught.. wat a ENJOYABLE time...than, one of esther's fren tot i'm bung.. esther was like she so ger la!! where got bung!! haha.. so cute of her i keep coughin until i vomited out twice in front of them.. hmm... cough cough* den, while walkin back, esther say if she ever LEAVE this yr.. she'll sing hui you na men yi tian tat song for mi.. SAD la!! she so cute.. den they went home.. saw sweetie.. she's sad.. stupid yeye!! send her such a hurtin msg.. alamak, she's sad.. but she DUN WAN to show it out.. hai.. den mi n kat went bedok reservoir.. we tok alot... hai... i told abt the thin tat happen exactly on 2.4km run tat day.. but, its so long ago.. i onli remember mi n esther de.. hai... den i told her tat touchin story.. she omost cried.. gosh.. i told her many thin.. she told mi her dirty SECRETS.. we enjoyed ourself there.. we promise to go bedok reservoir every week.. we saw SUNSET SETTIN together.. its very nice... den many many MEMORIES there.. next TIME i SAD , i'll SURE go there le.. TML'S going bugis wif sweetie n dear diary.. haha.. great!! i came home vomited again.. gosh.. i'm very sick.. need some rest... take care!! * i gonna show you i'm TOTALLY over you now*

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3:12 AM

*************** Monday, May 15, 2006

i am feelin realli down todae.sigh,i just wish i could end it all..i cant go on with this le.haiiss...would anyone tel me why is all this hurtin inside me?haiiss...
i just feel that all my frens are leavin me one by one.after the dae at tm(e quarrel wif xiner),i just feel so different...i wanted so much to cry out at times.im not bein myself.i need sum help.u came into my life,u took my heart n u broke it.yet,u didnt even wan to fix it back.i hate the wae ur treatin me.perhaps i shouldnt even hve cum into ur life.i shouldnt even have fall for u.haiiss,i miss u.
i can onli sae i miss u n my heart,yet not being able to voice it out to u.i can onli miss u secretly.deep down in my heart.

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
4:00 PM

sweetie, dun feel upset.. dun be sad nor afraid tat i will leave u one day.. coz, even til the end of times, i promise i will be there for u.. trust mi.. perhaps, time will really drift us apart... but, i hope u'll noe.. i'll nv forsake u.... i wont leave u alone to go thru times of tribulation... i wont upset u.. perhaps i'll disappoint you one day.. but, i'm sure for one thin... i wont leave u.. u muz cheer up no matter wat happen... nv be upset nor cry for mi... ok.. you're such a innocent n silly ger.. sigh.. i may leave shirley.. but i'm still there for her oway... i may leave u one day.. but i'll still be there.. huggs*

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3:47 AM

early in the mornin i tot wat happen la.... den i am SLIGHTLY awake, i knew it was the THUNDER there muz be some FIGHTS in HEAVEN.. haha.. who noe??? well, i was slpin soundly until the thunder CRASH too loud.. tat's y i got quite scare.. was dreamin of sth.. tat xiner say she MISSES mi.. but haha.. i noe it WONT come true.. den suddenly i'm too scare.. scare tat the thunder STRUCK my buildin.. DEN i'll be DIED.. so i wake up.. rainin so heavily.. who is SHEDDIN so many tears? hai... yesterday i super sad.. i make sweetie very WORRIED for mi.. even shilin.. den wake up, saw a weird number.. oh.. is xiner's msg say y i smoke.. say wan cal police.. haha.. we can ONLI call police if mosquito bite us... haha.. yup.. coz tat is RAPPIN.. yeah.. bath le go down stairs my house.. i CUT my hair, preparin for tml's photo takin =) muz be neat n smart =) yup.. den went tm.. i bought many stuff.. eat tannpa-yaki.. i bought snacks, milk all this.. add upto around 60.. quite guilty ar.. coz most is spent on mi.. went popular bought around 20bucks.. haha.. my sis n bro were naggin to my mother sayin y she so DOTE mi.. is not worth it ect la.. haha.. but my mother jus cant be bothered with wat they says.. she allow mi to buy ANYTHIN!! =) haha... den i buy so many stuff.. i love my hello panda biscuits.. haha.. i bought TWO BIG packet and 12 small packets of it... yesh.. nice.. went home, pack bag for sch tml.. haha.. i WORTE letters.. den around 8 went to meet my sis.. she make mi carry EVERYTHIN la.. i bought LOLIPOP for those gers in 2/4.. LOVE them to bits and pieces.. i came home, pack alot of thin.. from bag to stationary, to food and now even pads la.. haha.. BOUGHT alot of food!! gosh i whole box is my food.. yup.. hai.. SWEETIE quite sad.. i think well, gal, cheer up.. you have mi=).. shirley oso.. alamak.. cheer up=) think i'm quite crappy today.. my BIRTHDAY COMIN!! wat would i wan to receive?? anythin! but i wan SURPRISE...i wan buy phone or mp3.. haha.. as long as can hear SONGS can le.. hope can SAVE money.. but, cannot la.. i dun like waste money on myself.. haha.. today is a borin day.. wat would HAPPEN tml??? i wish to noe after sch, where should i go? i dunno.. hai.. will rain like today? its gonna be my tears den... haha.. hopin for MIRACLE to happen.. i wan FATE to come! i noe NO longer in love!! i'm FINALLY OVER you!! yeah!! silly sweetie, i wont leave you =)

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3:09 AM

*************** Sunday, May 14, 2006

today is a alrite day.. wake up early in the mornin.. went to meet jaz shawn and daddy christopher at tm around noon... saw kat so we went together too.. went to the open space, wanted to smoke.. though i did promise xiner i cant.. but nw she oso cant be bothered with mi.. hai.. but still.. i'm willin to change if she wants.. i saw janelle n ting wen.. went there tok wif them.. haha... hai.. hmm.. den smoke finish.. we went to take neoprint with shawn, chris, jaz, kat n mi.. yup... after tat we three sis went down to expo.. i sort of attitdue.. sorry gal.. wel.. but i love my sis.. so nice of them.. hai.. service is rather draggin.. kat went off half way.. den wha.. someone attitude mi la.. dunno.. wat is wrong with her.. so worried.. she change.. yet dun wan admit.. saw mi juz attitude.. hai.. sad.. den after tat, went to tm.. suddenly feelin quite sad.. hai... today smoke 3 sticks.. hai.. went wif pig.. den she buy beer.. gonna drink.. i suddenly miss esther... haha.. waitin for her to text mi.. i noe she wont..

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5:25 AM

*************** Saturday, May 13, 2006

today is a alrite day for mi.. early in the mornin.. i mean noon.. went bugis wif yu ting... we shop together wif my sweetie maryann.. den she is so cute and sweet la.. haha.. i bought my zinc bag.. finally den i was tokin to yuting.. suddenly i saw xiner.. gosh.. she walk away from mi den from den, nth le.. den we go shop for sand's presents.. yup.. we went to town.. cine.. den mi n her eat pastamania.. so full la.. my senior felicia come and find us.. haha.. mi n her took neo.. was kinda alrite today.. den we shop... fel n mi our leg so pain la.. went arcade.. i saw my ex shawn and den daddy christoher.. haha.. they so cute n funny.. shawn callin me later... yeah.. spent alot today.. we went lido and watch posesidon.. WAT A SAD SHOW LA!! its very very nice.. i cant desribe it.. i was rather emotional when i watch it.. haha.. den.. after show went heeren and den cine.. well.. throughout today i now.. i miss esther alot.. reach home around 1145pm.. tml going out again.. yeah!! i'm juz feelin.. somethin are missin in my life.. yup.. i noe somethin yesterday.. cant slp.. hai.. nvm.. take care..

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3:52 AM

*************** Friday, May 12, 2006

today is a very sad day for mi... hai.. wel.. i step into sch early in the morinin.. esther came lookin for mi pass mi lolipop so sweet.. two somemore.. maryann sweetie so sweet.. pass mi two voodoo and a note book... her letter touch mi alot.. yup... den listenin onli 15mins.. den is accounts.. account so hard... but yeah!! exam's finally over!! well.. esther start mag-ing mi first so sweet.. go tm jan n xiner sort of quarrel.. i feel so bad... coz i sided jan... i very guilty.. hai... den jaz, kat n xiner say.. fuck she come le.. wah.. gosh... my heart break.. we omost end up like enemies.. hai.. think now is le.. she nv call mi.. sad!! den.. i brought the panda for her.. think she dunno.. yup.. hmm.. ermx.. went jaz house watch the ghost show.. scary!! tat ghost wear red!! hmmm... den xiner went home.. let her go den.. hai... so hurtful.. well, after tat go shoppin wif kat n her niece.. den with shirley and shilin.. they all come down find mi.. so sweet.. hmmm.. come home, i msg esther.. she cant be bothered.. i call her but she still angry.. hai.. went cyclin to find darrion fang marg n more.. wah... i was thinkin of xiner tat thin.. so sad.. den a imagination of mi got accident appear.. suay suay cross raod a car bang into mi... hit my front wheel.. den, i fly out.. pain la.. wha... i was so sad le... i very scare.. if i die, i sure go find they two.. hmm.. ya lo...dun angry with mi.. hai...

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2:49 AM

*************** Thursday, May 11, 2006

today i slept til around ten in the mornin.. i have a weird dream not onli mi.. even jaz, xiner, pris n me.. all have weird dreams.. haha.. ermx.. hmm stay at home study.. til 2plus.. i did study.. yeah!! i hope tmlx i can pass.. last paper, accounts.. wish mi all the best!! haha ermx... den went to pris house.. we watch the maid. xiner seat next to mi.. give mi comfort.. haha.. coz i scare.. think jaz realli like pris.. watch le.. so scary la!! hmm.. yup... den after tat.. she keep tellin mi abt calest.. but nvm la.. hmmm... we watch porn.. horny la.. haha.. i help pris pierce tongue.. jaz so worried.. haha.. went home.. juz browse thru the accounts note.. i really wish to do well.. tml actually suppose to go out with sweetie.. but nv so going out with kat, jaz n xin er.. going watch ghost show again at jaz house.. yup wat wil happen tml?? dunno lei.. i msg esther juz now.. msg quite long.. but den i got tear in my eyes.. i wil miss esther when she leave this yr..i have date with her on a date... somemore end of tis yr.. hmmm.. and on august8 oso.. wo hao xiang mi.. hmmm... ermx... luckily i've given up totally on both of them.. mayb still feelin quite weird.. mayb still sad for them.. but den, since they two both oso wont like mi.. y go on?? yup.. wish mi all the best tml!!! =)

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4:13 AM

*************** Wednesday, May 10, 2006

today is a HECTIC day for mi... my math paper2 starts at 8 til 930am.. i slept from 810 ALL THE WAY til end of paper.. i was droolin on the paper.. slp like a pig.. yesterday nite i fuckin SCARE til i nv slp.. think tonite oso lei... hai..ermx... hmm.. den 40mark paper i nv do 27marks la... hack ar.. sure FAIL de.. after sch waited for xiner and pris.. i love SWEETIE she's very sad.. gosh.. cheer up gal... you have mi!! i pass her tat lovely memories file.. yup.. and i MISS my DEAR DIARY.. hmm.. waited for xinerwith pris, jaz n ket.. they say ghost stroy.. i super scare la... den, we play ouja board.. the result so SCARY.. the thin circle the word DIE.. alamak.. help.. we all so scare throughout.. den we when tm.. i saw sweetie n dear diary there.. the 2/3'cutie' was there.. haha.. so fated.. wel, kat so sad.. jaz oso.. pris as wel.. i'm juz MOODY.. haha.. tml no sch... going pris house.. yup.. hmmm.. den went to ep with pris and jaz.. jaz say like pris.. but think is fake de.. i dunno.. i saw TIANLING, gosh.. i really MISS her.. alot alot... haha... went home.. nthin to do.. yup.. xiner called me.. haha.. she's rather WEIRD lei.. hmm... hope i can slp early.. tml will be a BETTER DAY FOR MI! =) tats all for today.. cheer up everyone.. exam's gonna be over in two days time.. we shall played and celebrate like nv b4.. YEAH!!!

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3:22 AM

*************** Tuesday, May 09, 2006

today is my accounts paper.. i am quite happy! haha... coz i did manage to complete juz as the teacher say times up den i juz put down my pen... thank GOD... tat i did manage to do.. i hope i get the correct ans... alot of ppl nv do.. i'm one of the main in complete it all.. tml is math paper 2.. i very scare.. coz its my weakest subject.. after tat is account paper1.. hope can do well den exam's OVER! xiner, pris, jazmin,kat came my house today.. we watch the red shoes the ghost show.. i was holing on to xiner's hand throughout the show... coz its scary! she n pris bung stil scare.. haha.. eh.. kat n jaz went home around 2 den left onli mi n two bung i wan to lodge a complaint to police tat xiner molested and rape mi.. haha.. until i bite her hand which end up swollen *sorry* den pris so sad.. she was writin and vandalizin on my table.. hopfully wenya will read it one day.. hai.. suddenly xiner tok to mi abt her calesta which upset mi la.. hmmm.. they went home.. i msg esther.. i told her.. i was really upset.. i cried she seems rather sad too.. i will miss her when she leave sch tis yr... today is my 9months like her le.. yup.. den esther sort of cheer mi up.. dunno... i cry for xiner or estrher.. hai... cry til really like hell.. den went to meet laogong jaz at tm.. took neo's very happy when i'm out with her.. yeah.. i MISS YOU GAL!!!

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3:28 AM

*************** Monday, May 08, 2006

hmmm... today, is a RELAXIN day for me.. i shop throughout the WHOLE DAY... =] i spent quite alot.. 100 plus... i guess.. noon, went out with my family.. i brought the cd, and a file, bra and oso shirt.. haha.. i shop for the bra.. my sis force mi to buy a NORMAL bra.. i try on it.. i wasted one hour in metro.. eat alot lo.. eat mushroom, noodle, ice cream, rice.. at one go! alamak! haha... hmmm.. come home, wrote a letter.. was quite EMOTIONAL... i onli learn 10min of accounts.. tml's accounts.. my best subject.. if i fail.. i'll CRY..=x hai... ermx.. i was quite emotional today.. but it ok.. yeah, i chatted wif xiner on the phone juz now.. SHE TREAT ME SO BAD.. but i cant be bothered anymore.. haha... yupp... i MISS ESTHER lei TWO DAYS nv contact her... hmm.. tml is 080506.. well.. guess wat? its the NINTH month.. haha.. yup... wonder wat FLAVOUR lolipop will she give mi tml??? tml waitin for pris AFTER EXAM.. nth else.. tats all.. =)

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3:21 AM

*************** Sunday, May 07, 2006

hai today was a really sad day for mi.. my dad give mi 100bucks... den mi n sis go shop at n2.. buy planner and alot of stuff.. hai.. i stayed home.. til 4plus...played fortune with ssa.. den i wrote letter to xiner.. wha.. sad la.. wont care but its ok.. hai... went service played with darrion la.. he very naughty.. keep sayin mi... hmmm.. went tm after tat... seat at the open space with pig.. smoke there.. i abit sad.. but i dunno oso.. my mummy buy mi two sport bra and two shirt.... my family suddenly so rich... siao de... hmm.. nth happen exactly today... pris, dun sad anymore alright? its time to let go though you say dun wan... you muz... yupp... i suddenly miss esther.. hmm...
XINER DUN REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY!! NOR DOES SHE REMEMBER THAT TML IS THE ONE MONTH WE BROKE UP!! HAI!! today is 6 mi n esther break 8month le... hai... heartless her... at least i give up le... hmm...

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3:36 PM

*************** Saturday, May 06, 2006

many has been so SAD.. why would thin turn out TIS WAY?? hai... i tot i 'm alright but i'm WRONG.. coz i shed some tears for her again.. i sad to continue lovin, but i guess, i cat wait on... ger feelin's faded alot and she said its impossible.. impossible to be together ok.. hai... wat logic is TIS??? i felt like cryin again... hai... why would love hurt someone so much??? i miss her... in everyway... its sad to miss someone when she is beside you... knowin tat you cant have them anymore.. hai.. i am... giving up.. lettin go.. though it hurts.. but still, i wan to...

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
1:58 PM

Today i pass the rose to xiner, she say its not green... hai... went into class aida pass me a green apple lolipop from esther... i didnt get to see her, she is so sick.. take care... today is math paper... its start from 740 to 910am becoz of the voting tml.. well, can you imagine, from 825 to 9 i slept THROUGHOUT? oh well, yesterday is a sad day for pris and wen... CHEER UP FRENS... after school met up wif xiner we waited for pris til around noon... xiner was like playin piano.. i oso playin ma.. haha.. i shock dao coz kat say jaz LIKES MI.. MAD LA.. but is fake de... hmmm..., waited with ting wen for her cab, den we walk to bedok reservoir IN THE RAIN.. xiner say i ah ma while the rest is children.. say she is the teacher.. ask us to careful walk ect.. watever la... but SO CUTE... haha.. den say i old woman, got soft and fragile bone, ask me dun hit the wall.. haha.. went there, xiner's toruring my flower!!! many petals drop.. hai.. its dyin soon.. hai... i n ruqin went down the reservoir.... reservoir is big LA... hmm... den i step on those stones and i was all wet plus the rain.. i didnt noe there fish in it.. got tortoise leh... den the tortoise all swim toward mi, xin er.... mi,ruqin n jazmin went down to catch it.. jazmin brin up she chase pris and xiner n katherine around with the tortoise.. so funny la... i keep on staring at those tortoise.. one by one come...i saw 6 lovely tortoise SWIMMIN IN THE RESERVOIR.... so cute.. den pris super sad, she take lighter burn away all those letters wenya wrote ect... sad la.. xin er help her burn too.. hai... jazmin very sad too becoz of the ronald thin.. i noe, kat is sad coz of him, ruqin sad coz her family, pris sad coz of wenya... XINER'S sad, i dunno y... but i noe she's very sad... she keep denyin... i dunno y.. but i had a very STRONG feelin SHE IS!!! plus, yesterday she accuese herself.. its not her fault.. hai... finally, i'm the HAPPIEST person there... think i givin up.. tats y i am seriously not upset... haha... i sad but oso counted the happiest person there juz now... well, l keep starin at the tortoise... tortoise are CUTE but they muz be VERY SAD being abandon by their owners.. they swim wif their own account, n they have freedom in the sea, but wat if somethin EAT IT UP??? worried too.. i wanted to go ESTHER'S HOUSE de but i care so much for wat... hmmm.. xin er walk home think she really very sad... shirley oso sad, yuting oso.. wat is goin on nowadays??? hai..

MARYANN SWEETIE... where are you?? i'm missing you.. thank for your LOVELY post card.. it touch mi... and my DEAR DIARY, i miss the whole bunch of u.. though we've drifted apart.. i still wants u to noe.. I CARE...

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1:56 AM

*************** Friday, May 05, 2006

today i had my literature paper.. thank for the orange lolipop esther give mi.. after tat, went home first with katherine.. den i had a bad stomach ache *xiner, dun angry with mi* hmmm... alrights, went to jazmin house to meet she and xiner, i knew somethin since last nite.. was kinda sad or happy, i dunno... i'm sorry.. i didnt noe i would hurt u so badly.. hai... den i ask the magic ball..the ball say tat she still has feelin for mi.. den went to beach, she was furious at first dunno y... hai... den i walk along the beach, she n jazmin catch a dead fish... haiyo.. i was walkin and listenin song.. and my tear... roll down.. jus roll down.. i didnt noe why... hai... den wah i thick skin.. keep sayin she like me huh... deny n deny... hmmm... we sat at the table.. jazmin n ket go another corner.. den i wanted to have a chat wif xiner, gosh... sad la.. she sort of avoided my que... i noe she's sad... very very sad.. i sat beside her finially she said the truth to me.. tat she still has feelin for me.. my tear flow down la... sad... hmmm... but i am brave enough to confess.. yupp... anyway

all i want is to ask, is there still possibility between us????? i miss you gal... hai...

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
2:36 AM

*************** Wednesday, May 03, 2006

today she suppose to come my house... end up after sch she go pris house... we took the same bus den she seat directly behind mi all the way.. i get down the bus, was like kinda upset... of coz la... think she pointed at mi or somethin... wel, went to shop around tm... yu ting noe the truth.. she's confuse... she cried in front of mi... char's so heartless la... dun care her... than mi n yu ting seat at the blk underneath.. i was hopin for miracle... i dun wan to find fate, so i choose to let fate come to me instead... i brought my two white rose, i'm goin dye it with green... hopefully it succeed... going home tat, i walk, yu ting behind den suddenly someone called mi... i turn... saw xiner.. my heart pounded so fast.. than quickly hide my rose... but she get on the bus.. yu ting show her la.. so paiseh... hai.... now yu ting confessed her love to her, yet tat person just cant be bothered.. hate it la... well... yesterday was a sad day for mi... coz its the day i noe i have to let go.. exam's tml.. its the main three topic.. the subject.. how am i suppose to study? i cant focus today's paper i slept throughout... i was tired... i was really sad... she say she've make her choice, we are impossible... impossible to be together again... gosh..... its a dream... tel mi tat its a dream... i'm afraid to accept the fact... i'm going to buy my bag... tml's exam... how am i suppose to let go??? thank esther for the lolipop the past few days...

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
4:11 AM

i read xiner's blog.
i read it.was veri shock.
that she wil write all this stuff in it.
i heard from jazmin n katherine that she sae she still miss me.
but haiiss, she stil end the thin with a its impossible.
nothing in this world is impossible lahhs.
haiiss,she sae that she has alreadi make a choice
that both me n heris impossible.
impossible to be together gain.
haiiss what is this?
wo hao xiang ni,
seriously deep down,
i dun lyk esther lahhs.
she hurt me so much le.
haiiss but so sweet of her,
cuz every single dae she give me a lollipop for me to
start off with exam.
dun do things that wil make me melt.
haiiss,wo zhi xiang yao ni.
is it that hard?
haiiss..
why is everythin happenin so fast?
haiiss..yesterdae i saw her,
is that call findin fate or fate?
is that wad i wans,
how i wish i realli can give up.
i dun mind gettin hurt.
haiiss,seriously dun.
i rather u hurt me everytime,
than to sae goodbye without tellin me why.
all i miss is u.
i cant eat nor sleep.
all i wan is u.
haiiss...

da sheng shuo:

wo zhen de hao ai ni.

return back,will you?

i seriously miss you.

dun walk away from me.

{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
1:23 AM

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